So 5 years ago and a day I had a pretty rough day, little would I know that I would look back on it as one of the greatest things that had ever happened to me.
Reader's Digest Version: without incrimination too.
Yes, I was having some personal problems, primarily associated around a couple of good friends; let's just call them Jim Jack and Johnny. I decided, probably more like resorted, to the only option I had yet to try; ASK FOR SOME HELP. Sick of trying to fix myself and having gotten to point desperation, I sought someone who knew me, knew J, J and J, but was not mom or dad. I was 24, college grad, "Parlance of my time" to quote the Dude, living in a studio with a Murphy's bed that was always down. Had left my job that I hated and holed up; no phones, no mail. J, J and J were lying around everywhere, I couldn't see straight and wouldn't have wanted to see myself, and yeah I was scared to even look in the mirror. I reached out to the one person I could think of that would keep it objective in my mind, no more sympathy, enabling, coddling. I called my Uncle, the late and mind you life saving that day and GREAT Rodney Brown. He had known the 3Js too and had somehow kept them at bay for a long time, over 20 years. He had seen me when I was rolling with the 3Js and no crass comments, nor snide looks, more the look of I know something you don't. The thing about Uncle Rodney was that he would good, kind, understanding, caring; a man among men with a heart equivalent to Fort Knox (pity shame he lived in Indiana). He would tell me what to do; he would know what to do. I knew, just knew he was the right person to talk to about the 3Js. By now I have called the Central Office in Denver and told them that it was that bad and I'd call back after I thought about it…too funny; typical ehhh. So by the time I get a Uncle Rodney on the phone I am hyperventilating, like bad, like I can't feel my dang fingers, I am scared, not sure what is happening or going to be happening in the next second, let alone the next day or week or month. We chatted, he suggested that I find a bag to hyper ventilate into, good advice really. We chatted, I cried, I needed help and needed and ear all the while at the very same time I did not know what the hell I needed. Yet he kept it simple, said the right things and kept me in the moment because the past and future were way too scary to even think about. He suggested I let my Dad know what was up, I did that, he suggested that I might attend one of dem regularly scheduled meeting that you hear about. I was ready.
My car had expired plates, from South Carolina still, I had lived in Denver for nearly 2 years. Hell no I didn't have insurance. I had better uses for the money. I only used the car to pick up my friends the 3Js, but I had to have them with me to even think of leaving my den. Ben and Leslie came to see me that night. They stood by and helped me clean some of the carnage of waste and ill care up around the den. They smiled and laughed when appropriate and told me that it was OK, which I really needed from some piers given the situation. Ben helped me clean up the luggage that the 3Js come with and for some reason I knew he had wanted to do that for long time… he had seen a friend slip and full on spiral for too long. Still, no confrontation, just support, thanks you. Dad and my talk went about as good as it could, not sure if I had an expectations of how that one was going to turn out, but it was decided that it couldn't hurt to do some family time, golf and HHI time.
Back to the car and March 1st 2002; at 11:30am a new friend that knew, but did not know my Uncle and Dad, was going to meet me to go to a nooner. I woke up terrified and it wasn't long before I was back in tears and hyper ventilating. 11:30 came and I stepped out of my den and the building and into the car. There was about a foot and half of fresh snow on the ground and this guy had driven 20 miles through uber sloppy roads to pick my sorry ass up at the request of long distance couple of friends that were my family. Little did I know I was to be part of a different kind of family, a family that all of them belonged to. He, Andy B, told me to take everything with a grain of salt as I hunch over in the front seat and continued to hyper ventilate. He told me I would be ok. We got to SEAC to the nooner… I couldn't talk really, very shaky, paranoid, scared and too be honest, I don't think I had been outside during the daytime in that unaltered state in a long time. I was introduced as Joe D, Andy told the 40+ other people in the meeting that I was a golfer and had a good swing, dad must have told him that. I laugh/cried because it was a bit embarrassing, I mean I was still shaking and breathing awkwardly heavy. I couldn't feel my finger tips, the accelerated breathing had put so much CO2 in my veins I had lost feeling in them and they for shaking and tensed straight. Someone brought me coffee and I laughed cause there was no way I could get my fingers to bend, they just wouldn't. Post introduction, there was a roared accompanied by smiles of strangers and welcomes. I tried to listen, but not sure I really heard anything other than I thought I might want to see what the hell these guys are doing cause they seem to be happy, of which I hadn't experienced in a long time. We left the nooner; Andy B took me to a greasy spoon near my house… I couldn't eat much. He gave me a book and suggested I try to get some sleep, read the book, and go back for another meeting ASAP. They had 4 meetings a day there and Andy explained there were 1000 a week in Denver Metro.
It was going to be OK; I realized that I wasn't alone and that there just might be a solution; if I would have it. HOW you ask? Honesty Open-mindedness and Willingness… time takes time, can't force a good thing, but just keep coming back because miracles do happen. I could do that.
Thank god for Uncle Rodney, Andy B., Ben & Leslie Suh, my parents and the hundreds, probably thousands that have continued to lend a hand, an ear, a suggestion, a bit of honesty, compassion, thought, love, time, their lives, their experience, their pain, their joy, their hope; you are why I am here today. If you stumble I want to be there for you, available to be of service to others, any others, finally some meaning to life and it was there all along. All I had to do was change my perspective a tad. Again, from one thankful MF, thank you everyone.
MOVING ALONG TO ONE OF THE GIFTS, more a bundle of gifts:
South America:
March 9th, 2004 Denver to Santiago, CHILE leave midday
March 16th, 2007 Santiago, CHILE to Buenos Aires, ARGENTINA
March 18th, 2007 for one night Colonia, URUGUAY
March 20th, 2007 Buenos Aires, ARGENTINA to Santiago, CHILE
March 22nd, 2007 Santiago to Denver arrive in the morning.
IF there is someone or something I shouldn't miss, please let me know.
AND finally, I did not get into the summer school in Germany, waitlisted, but no reply on where I am on the waitlist. So I want to learn another language… this whole English thing is cool and all but I want to speak something else. Go somewhere else and learn hopefully. Going to check in with some high up friends from Saudi and see if Egypt for internship and study is possible. Possibly Dubai. Shoot wherever. Would love to learn some German, French, Arabic, Russian, Hindi, Farsi, Mandarin or Japanese. Suggestions? Got any, send'em along.
Good night and may you who are reading this be content and blest with health and some humor.
Joe Dumesnil
